Over the past few weeks I have felt like I am in the middle of a rock and a hard place. I can see exactly where I want to be. I can see it SO clearly. And yet it feels like there is a massive chasm of overwhelm and stress to cross to get there. I’ve kept trying to figure out what to do. So many amazing opportunities are arising right now.
Bottom line: I want to live true to my heart and my life purpose. I want to be an amazing mother who is truly present in my children’s lives. I want to be a kick ass entrepreneur and take all the massive vision i have and actualize it into liberating more people to live free and be true to their Creator and who they were born to be.
At the heart of all of these desires, though, I simply want to be FREE.
Having already experienced massive freedom in my mental and physical health, I desire to experience freedom in every area of my life. I haven’t felt free lately. The bills, the time commitments, the work commitments, the messy house, the cranky kids, the chaos… simply feeling like we’re living in survival mode.
Today I boarded a plane with a heavy heart. I was sick and tired of the struggle. I was exhausted from the fight. I was craving thriving… so sick of just surviving. I felt like there was no way out. Every solution that I’ve looked at over the past few weeks just seemed impossible. I was starting to feel like hope was the enemy of my happiness and peace.
So, I prayed as I sat waiting for the plane to take off. I took out my journal and dumped my feelings and perceptions in an attempt to cleanse my mind of the mental chaos. At the moment of feeling so discouraged that I didn’t think it could get any worse (& I was concerned about bursting into tears), the plane took off.
I always love the feeling of taking off. It’s exactly the feeling I’ve been feeling in my business endeavors. Things truly have been taking off. I’m craving flight, though. Let’s get fully off the runway and GO.
It’s such a rush as the plane starts to rush down the runway, almost unexpectedly going from stillness and a “when are we ever going to take off?” feeling to instantly being thrust forward down the runway. Faster and faster you race down the runway until the slightest tilt and the wheels kiss their final goodbye to the pavement. You are airborne. Climbing higher and higher, it’s difficult to do anything but submit to the climb.
I was watching the city skyline and the beautiful Rocky Mountains escape from view when suddenly the plane entered the perfect white and stillness of the clouds. Allowing the Spirit to teach me, I realized that I have been seeing my life through the lens of fear, making WAY too many decisions based on fear. I keep praying for breakthrough, but God was showing me that I can’t live a life of faith, having to consult fear so thoroughly first before every decision.
The question came to mind: seeing things through the eyes of faith, what would you do next, Quinn?
Wow. What would I do next? I’d LIVE big! I’d take the giant leaps! Best of all, I’d have a BLAST doing it! I’d quit sweating and start singing. I’d play more and dive fully into gratitude and wonder at the amazing life I get to live with those I love right there with me.
Then, the plane cleared the clouds. The sun was rising so brightly that I was blinded by the brilliance.
Suddenly we were above the sea of clouds – a place where nothing blocks the sun.
My heart was soaking up the light like a sponge as I saw what a difference each day would be if I chose to start the day with faith.
It’s almost like my husband who can’t really start the day until he puts on his glasses or puts in his contacts because he can’t see. Every day I am doing the same (mostly subconsciously), not able start the day until I put on my “glasses” and every day there is a choice to put on the glasses of faith or the glasses of fear. That single choice makes the most dramatic impact on how I show up as a mother, as an entrepreneur, and especially as a child of God.
So today I choose faith. Today I choose to breakthrough the fear that has the potential to keep me stuck and miserable. Today I choose to clear the clouds and abide where the sun is.
Today I am free.