As a society we are growing tired of getting sold the next BIG THING. We’re growing apathetic and disinterested in the search for the magic bullet, the secret pill… the Holy Grail. Why? Because our hearts have been broken too many times. We’re
sold told by experts that if we just take these “3 steps” or do “these 5 key things” that our problems will be solved and our life will be amazing.
The epidemic of “experts,” coaches, self-help, advice blogs, Pinterest tips, and the absolute mass levels of information marketing happening at this time can absolutely rain on our parade of desires for more everyday JOY and living lives we truly love (even while in the name of “helping” us get there). However, the sneaky factor in this equation is not in “what” we’re being told to do, it’s that it’s a one-size-fits-all model that requires a pit and a pedestal to continue thriving.
If we perceive these outside voices and opinions as the “Experts,” we put our power outside of ourselves. When they are “wrong” we feel we have been deceived and led astray. We judge them intensely in their “kingship of expertness” and hold them to a higher standard (mainly out of our continual comparison to identify and close the gap between us and them).
However, when we perceive those we coach with and take counsel from instead as excellent resources, then everyone is on equal playing ground. There isn’t a pit or a pedestal anymore. We’re all simply on our own paths learning from each other. No one has “arrived” and so we don’t expect them to act like they have it ALL figured out. We don’t get disappointed when we see their human-ness. We instead value each other’s wisdom and experience as a resource and a support to us, rather than a Savior.
The same is true when we aim to position ourselves as the Expert. When we perceive ourselves as an “Expert” rather than a humble “Resource” then it naturally can put our ego forward. Suddenly we get threatened by anyone else’s “Expert-ness” and we anxiously feel we have to maintain ourselves as the Expert to survive. We place greater weight on being “right” and even “the most right.” We become inflexible and absolute.
If we are maintaining more of a beginner’s mind and perceiving ourselves as a humble Resource, it can allow our essence to be more forward. We show up to serve. We are more open to hear the voices and input of others. We can change our stance and remain more flexible as needed. We understand that our survival is independent of public opinion and so we don’t allow that to distract us. Instead, we stay focused on what’s calling us forward from our Souls and stay firmly rooted on our own unique path. We are happy to help others along the way and to receive help, but we don’t have to be a victim or a Savior in either of these situations for needs to be met.
This episode of Joyful Living is a deep-dive into a life-changing conversation exposing the myth of “Expert” and liberating us into a more compassionate and supportive model of growth.
In this episode I quote one of my mentors, Jody England, who says, “Judgment and comparison are natural ego reactions to feeling shame and fear.”
For deeper exploration into this topic, be sure to listen to “Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid,” a powerful recent conversation by Jody England on her Wild Soul Medicine Radio podcast.
I also shared the following powerful quote by Naomi Wolf in this episode (special thanks to my beautiful mentor Lisa Schrader for sharing it with me recently):
“A culture fixated on female thin-ness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession with female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history. A quietly mad population is a tractable one (easy to control/manipulate).
“A consequence of female self-love is that a woman grows convinced of social worth. Her love for her body will be unqualified, which is the basis of female identification. If a woman loves her own body, she does not grudge what other women do with theirs. If she loves femaleness, she champions its’ rights. It’s true what they say about women: we are insatiable. We are greedy. Our appetites do need to be controlled if things are to stay in place. If the world were ours too, if we believed we could get away with it, we would ask for more love, more sex, more money, more commitment to children, more food, more care. These sexual, emotional and physical demands would begin to extend to social demands, payment for care for the elderly, parental leave and childcare, etc. The force of female desire would be so great that society would truly have to reckon with what women want in bed and in the world.” – Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth
And so, as a humble Resource, I invite you to explore what this conversation means to you and how it can empower your own life and joy practice.